Bits from the Deep End

Thoughts on doctors, power tools, hobby guilt, and other things I thought about while paddling through pain.

I've been going hard paddling this week, and there are times when my mind starts wandering to escape the pain. Some of those escapes ended up as bits (you're welcome). The hard part is remembering to write them down once I'm back on shore (you're welcome again?).

So let's see what made it on digital paper, shall we?

Everything but the Professional

It’s wild how we (myself included, to a degree) will do everything except see a doctor. We'll ask ChatGPT, scour Reddit, travel deep down a depressing YouTube rabbit hole, and buy twelve supplements before we make an actual appointment.

There's something to be said about getting advice from actual, experienced professionals. However, often times they have a hard time speaking to the layman, it's hard to remember what they said, and it feels like they are just trying to get to their next patient.

No wonder people are defaulting to internet answers; we can ask the dumb questions, get responses that are understandable, and provide more time and nuance. This doesn't mean the answer is correct, but it feels better.

The Tool Is Not the Fix

Tools are only as good as the people using them. Take woodworking (yes I'm injecting a bit of a personal hobby here). I can buy the nicest power tool money can buy, but if I don’t know how to cut straight, it’s still going to come out crooked, or worse I’ll lose some of my digits. Same goes for tech; you can implement the newest, fanciest tool on the market, but without the right processes, culture, or leadership, you’ve just created an expensive mess and slowing your team down.

People and process come before platform. Every :clap: damn :clap: time :clap:.

Just Add Water

When our kids get ultra-dysregulated (or when we do - it happens), we’ve learned a little trick: throw them in water. Ok, maybe not literally, but getting them in the bath or shower (or lake, or ocean, pool, hot tub, or even drinking a glass of water) helps.

There seems to be something primal about water that snaps us out of a tailspin. Maybe it’s a throwback to our hunter-gatherer days, or maybe it’s just the sensory equivalent of restarting your computer. Either way, it works.

The Illusion of the Finish Line

When people compete as part of a sports team, there is this ability to push and finish strong. They want to win. Even if they can't win, they want to finish.

I've also seen (and felt) this as a young buck early in my career; work all the hours to get the job done. Maybe this is just me being an old curmudgeon, but with experience people realize that work isn't like a sports game. All those late nights and hours just to get more work when you finish. Even worse, the finish line keeps moving or doesn't even exist.

That realization can be a little soul-crushing if we’re not careful. If you’re a leader, celebrate the win. Set clear finish lines, and give your team a breather when they cross it. Let them take on an easy project next, this way they are eager to race again when the time comes. Otherwise, burnout’s gonna show up real fast.

ADHD Parenting for All

For reasons that will surprise no one, I’ve read a lot of ADHD parenting books over the years. There's a lot to learn there, and there's a common thread I’ve noticed: most of the advice applies to all kids; not just the neurodiverse ones.

Regularity and consistency, clear expectations, setting boundaries, and helping with emotional regulation.

Pretty sure the "extra" support for neurodiverse kids is just… good parenting?

Leadership Privilege Check

If you're a leader or manager, be mindful of how your privilege shows up.

Yes, you worked hard to get where you are, but everyone else is working hard too. When you’re taking meetings from your luxury car or your beachside vacation home… it’s not the flex you think it is.

To your team, it often reads as out of touch, and that your rubbing in the things they can't have. It chips away at the trust and camaraderie you’ve (hopefully) been working hard to build.

Do You Have to Learn to Love a Hobby?

This came from a conversation I had with my wife (who had a similar conversation with our friend. Thanks Megan!). Do you need to be learning something to enjoy a hobby?

My gut reaction was “no, of course not. Can't we do something that isn't about being productive?". Since then I haven't been able to think of a hobby I’ve really enjoyed where I wasn’t still learning. In fact, I bet I've lost interest in hobbies because I wasn't learning something. So maybe learning is part of the fun, or maybe I just need better hobbies.

Hot Take: Stop Picking Up the Bill

Let’s end with a 'you know what really grinds my gears' rant.

Can we stop doing the “oh I’ll get it this time” dance every time we grab coffee or lunch? It’s awkward, it’s hard to be consistent, and it always turns into a weird mental tally of who paid last.

Let’s just each buy our own stuff.

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Ok - that’s the roundup. Some bits. Some bobs. Maybe a helpful insight or two. Go reregulate in the shower, use hand tools, stop buying my coffee, and maybe give doctors a chance.

Until next week, stay hydrated,

//Trevor

P.S.: Curious about my consulting work? I help build people-first workplaces that actually function. More here: //TREVORFRY.TECH