Popcorn in Your Toes, Fresh Air In Your Lungs, and Some Unsolicited Parenting Advice

8 Bits from a Brain That’s Been to Yosemite (And A Small Hotel Room With Kids)

We went to Yosemite this past weekend. It was my first time actually going deep into the park (which is wild considering it's only a couple hours away from me) and, mother of god, what an amazing place it is.

National Park? More like National TREASURE.

Thank you, John Muir and Mr. Lincoln, and a very eff-you-very-much to our ancestors who took it from the Native Americans. We are terrible, though I guess there’s a bit of a quandary here… Would I have been able to see this magnificence if we hadn’t taken it?

Okay. Existential reflection over (?); let’s beep bop boop some bits.

No Cam, No Cry

Early in my 'leading remote teams life' I was a “turn your camera on” kind of guy. Like an optimistic fool, I would declare, "iT HeLpS WiTh nOn-vErBaL CoMmUnIcAtIoN".

I was so naive to how exhausting having your camera on can be. I love me a meeting where I can keep my camera off, and I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one (right introverts?).

To anyone I pressured into showing their unshowered mug on Zoom… I’m sorry. I was wrong. Please forgive me.

Wait… You Don’t Laugh Every Day?

I heard this on a podcast once (maybe it was Reddit or something on NPR?) - there are people who go a whole day without laughing. Seriously. 24 hours. No laughs. Are they stoic all day? Crying? Angrily mashing their teeth?

Even typing that made me laugh a bit. Maybe it’s a coping mechanism I have, but either way, I will continue to giggle at memes, dumb jokes, and absurd moments in life because it keeps me goin', but I really want to hear from people if this is more common than I think.

"I’m so ADD and my OCD makes me focus on details"

I'm going against some pretty common terminology here, but using terms like 'I'm so ADD' or 'I have OCD' when really you get distracted sometimes (LIKE EVERYONE DOES) or are more detailed in some areas is probably offensive to those that actually have the disorders.

We’ve come a long way since the early 2000s when everything was “so gay” or “so retarded.” (it feels weird just typing that).

It’s worth evolving our language here, too.

These are real diagnoses that impact real lives. Let’s be mindful and inclusive...

Empathy for New Parents (Hold the Doom, Please)

Eff all you seasoned parents who tell new parents 'it gets harder'. That doesn't help. I have quite a few memories of people telling me the same thing.

I guarantee you these folks are already struggling and trying to understand what their new life looks like, while trying to somehow focus on work while sleep-deprived and also trying to raise this new blob they just saw come out of A HUMAN BODY.

How about we offer them some actual constructive advice, instead of filling them with dread?

To put my money where my mouth is... the chaos comes in waves. There are periods when you can take a breath. There are also constant new and interesting challenges with each age. Now that we’re out of the toddler years and not having to follow them around or make sure they aren’t walking directly into traffic (as much), it has gotten easier.

Kids (and adults?) are meant to push boundaries; it's how we know how far we can go. Yes, it can be frustrating as hell, but remember, you can't control your kids as much as you think. Your job is to provide the guide rails and help them chip away at the rough edges to discover who they truly are.

Hotel Rooms Are Just Contained Chaos

Now let me bitch about my kids for a bit... Does everyone else’s kids lose their damn minds in hotels? Bouncing off the beds, walls, turning on and off every light switch, and pushing the heater and a/c to the limits MULTIPLE TIMES. It's like they siphon power from every mysterious stain on the odd, corporate-patterned, high-traffic carpet.

Oh, and how about a parental tip for y’all? Do👏Not👏Bring👏Popcorn👏(unless you like picking kernels out of your toes because you keep stepping on them at 2am while you wander to the bathroom.)

Match Vibes, Not Volume

Parenting kids and leading teams have this in common (among many other things):

They match your energy. If you stay calm, they (might) stay calm. If you lose it, they lose it.

Control your vibe, not theirs.

Culture > Contract

I joined a Lunch n’ Learn with CultureStoke last week (highly recommend) and was reminded of how work is a transaction: the employee's time for the company's money.

Let's all understand that this is the core of hiring people but it's the culture, the stuff between the lines, that actually keeps people around.

If your company’s just offering money and tasks, don’t be shocked when people leave for a place that offers meaning and an enjoyable place to work.

If It Went Together, It Can Come Apart

Ok, instead of ending this one on a recommendation, I figured I'd share a personal motto. This works for toys, electronics, IKEA furniture, and even some relationships...

If it went together, it can come apart.

Okay yes, some things are like stirred coffee - they’re not going back to how they were, but for the most part, this holds true. You can get inside of it, and take it apart. Go ahead, give it a tug. Take out those screws. Tinker a bit.

You might break it, but you can (probably) fix it too.

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Until next week, go forth and gently(?) disassemble the world around you. Be nice to new parents (and others). Leave the popcorn at home. Get your 🍑 to a national park.

Missing the fresh air,

//Trevor

P.S.: Curious about my consulting work? I help build people-first workplaces that actually function. More here: //TREVORFRY.TECH